H.

I've been wandering in a haunted house. It was full of spider web. It still is.

I chocked, coughed, got dirty, but I finally start to see my way through.

It's ok... It will always be.

My main dilemma is that I can see more than a shimmering light and I really don't know which one I shall follow. I should make up my mind before it gets dark.

I needed a change, and I got it. It wasn't necessarily a good one, but I guess I should have mentioned I need a good change, in order to get it. That's it. Life is quite precious for those who live and make it this way.

There's no point in understanding why or what this life is.

Live the moment. It may suck, but you'll have to swallow without choking, and this needs practice. But it is ok as long as you keep on looking for some light. Still, you should remember : there's always a ray enlightening your way,and it may not be in front of you. Look back too, or you may miss it.

I like it...

I like my relationships to be long-term. Why?

Well, first of all, even though I am one of those who act by impulse, when it comes to what I feel, I really like to invest everything I feel in one person. Call me weak, call me sensitive, call me whatever you want. The thing is... I like to make my one feel like "the one". Why? Because I had a chance to feel like "a one" and it was quite a pleasant feeling. It's that small feeling - that even though you may mean nothing to the world, you are everything for a person. I had that like a million years ago, and I want to give that back every time I possibly can.

Secondly, it is quite fulfilling to feel that you are special to someone. The small things like a walk in the sunshine, a coffee in the morning, a cigarette in the park, a little spanking here and there... Those small things that make...or, better said, made me smile.

Happiness is real only when shared, and whenever I smile I share a lil bit of my soul.... So, do the math

Thirdly, I love learning things about people. How can you make your significant other feel good if you don't know how to do it? I mean... You can have sex with someone for a first time and it can be awful, but with a bit of practice, it can become really good. And there are the secrets, the jokes, the events, the things that make two grow up together.

Plus, me being insane.

Sorry for disappointing mostly of you... But I'd rather go into another 4-years-long relationship, die, then resurrect and give everything for one, than giving small pieces to many of you. This won't make you or me whole.

Oh, you're "The Scientist"

Long or short?

Ante scriptum : As lately I've enriched my friend circle, I am going to write this in English.

So, you are about 20. Should you have only one night stands, short-lived relationships, or long-term, peaceful ones?

Yes, it's the age when you should experience, but, still... isn't comfy when you think that there's a someone who's always there to, at least, listen to you whenever you need some piece of advice?

No, you don't want to get married or any crap like that, but does a long relationship lead to marriage?

Yes, you need to gain some experience, but isn't it better to gain it with one person? After all, it is useless to say how different all of us are.

So, what would you prefer? A long-term relationship or a short-lived one?

I'm going to tell you my opinion in the next post.

Thanks,

SNW :)

Re. Ela re.

Under each Heaven, there's a Hell.

I hit my head so hard lately, I can barely think. It is hard for me to realise that I'm an adult now. Maybe because I'm not.

I'm supposed to learn from my mistakes but I never do. They say that the history always repeats itself, but how can mine repeat so often?

I had wings. I don't have any, anymore.

I had love. No more love for me.

I had poems. They all burnt in Hell.

I had self-esteem. Now that's gone too.

I'm not mad at anyone, except myself. I'm mad at me because I can never do a thing right, because I carry too much for some and too less for others, because I need some more than they need me, because I have a heart that's way too sensitive, because I push away the ones I love in order not to hurt them, because I can't find a proper friend, because I forgot to be myself in the past few months.

I miss being happy. I miss you. I miss the Hell which had a Heaven above. I miss missing home. I miss life.

And... I guess that it was painful for you too, but, believe me, my grief was ten times bigger.

I'm a Jesus now. sacrificing myself for the other's mistakes.

And I'm not a personal one. I'm an universal one.

So, all of your sins will be forgiven after I'll give my last breath. You're clean now. I'm off.